Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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