I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize