he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
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She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
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You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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