just tell him i said nine months
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
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