FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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