I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
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there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
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Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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