so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
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