he thought i was a dude.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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