I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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