she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
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I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
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I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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