Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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