I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
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then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
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And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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