come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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