i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
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I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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