dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
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I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
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Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
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