after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
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He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
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I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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