I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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