I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just cut my nipple shaving
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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