I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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