You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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