you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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