Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize