your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
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