Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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