Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
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Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
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Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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