I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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