With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I pour the whiskey from now on
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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