just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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