My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
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He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize