Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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