Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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