How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize