I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
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the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
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By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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