Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
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the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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