2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize