omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize