sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
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Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
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The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
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