I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize