That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize