I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
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the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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