My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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