I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
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