The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm sobbing to NWA
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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