I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
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All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
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No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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