Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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