Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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