I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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