i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
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you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
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I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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