i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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