I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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