put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
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He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
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She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
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